The first step to take towards a happier life

If I told you there was one universal step, for all, that would help you on the road to becoming happier. You’d be rightly sceptical.

There is, though, a single thing which you can do in order to move not only forwards but also upwards as well. It is not easy and will take time and possibly a little perseverance but learning acceptance will make you happier.

Yep, acceptance.

A huge amount of worry, upset and disenchantment comes from us saying “this isn’t fair”, “this isn’t right”, or “I didn’t deserve this.”

This may well be true, if you’re reading this then the chances are you’re a decent person and it isn’t fair, it isn’t right and you don’t deserve it.

The problem is that the universe (and other people for that matter) don’t deal in what is fair, right or deserved. 

This is one of the fundamental difficulties that people have with acceptance that people don’t want to accept their circumstances. The circumstances should be different because they’re not fair but here’s the thing – the circumstances are what they are, in the eternal words of Jeremy Irons as Scar in The Lion King “Life’s not fair”.

Fighting gravity

Fighting acceptance is like trying to stop a boulder rolling down a hill. You can stand there pushing with all your might to stop the boulder rolling down but you’re just going to exhaust yourself whereas gravity doesn’t get tired.

How much more energy would you have if you simply stood to one side and let the boulder go?

In the same way, accepting your circumstances instead of fighting them can leave you with more energy to move past your current situation.

“I get what you’re saying Chris, but I’m not happy about what’s happened to me and how I’ve been treated.”

Aha!

Here’s a very important differentiation which needs to be made.

Happiness and acceptance are not the same thing, it is entirely possible to accept your circumstances without being happy about them.

If a massive pile of shit has befallen you no-one would ask or expect you to be happy about it. However, as you might have guessed the first step towards being happy is to accept it.

The alternative

You don’t have to accept your life’s circumstances if you don’t want to. You can sit and wish for things to be different, or try being more positive, or hope that if you just send one more message then your ex will change their mind.

If you’re in that place right now where you’re still holding resentment against the world, an ex, someone you thought was a friend then that’s fine for a short while. However anger, resentment and bitterness held against a person or a situation for a long time can hold you back from a brighter, happier future.

A question I would ask myself in that situation (and let’s face it we’ve all been there) is what am I gaining from fighting the situation?  

If you’re happy then carry on, go back, click on something else, head back to Instagram or whatever you like to scroll through.

But if you are reading this then that suggests that you aren’t happy or content then a change needs to be made.

“If nothing changes it stays the same.”
My Dad (There are also variations on this not said by my Dad.)

The power of acceptance

You may now be thinking about acceptance and wondering if you do accept your circumstances, what do you gain?

It gives you the time, energy and mental space to improve your life and make better decisions for yourself moving forwards.

You will move from a position where you’re ‘past-focused’ and into a place where you’re concentrating on your future.
Just imagine what an amazing future you could have if you took all the energy and effort you are currently spending on your current situation and ploughed it into your next step. 

This may seem like a lovely idea but almost impossible to do. But if you want to make a change (and if you don’t like your current situation then change sounds like a good idea)

Then try these two ways to reduce the anger you feel about you life 

1. Stop feeding the anger

Whether the situation you hate is 2 days or 2 years old pick a time and a date not too far away and after that time you will not discuss it with friends or family. If you need to work through it do so with a qualified professional such as a coach or counsellor.
Constantly talking about only feeds the anger.
This will break the cycle.

2. Give yourself a limit

if you really must talk about this to yourself or spend some time thinking about it then set yourself a dedicated time, everyday and spend 10-minutes going through everything that you need to.

This allows you to get all of your anger, frustration and bitterness out in a dedicated time window often you’ll find that you can’t keep going for a whole 10 minutes and you will need this process less and less as time goes on. 

I do hope you have found the thought of acceptance interesting and that you find a way to incorporate it into your life.

If you try the two techniques above do email me to let me know how you have got on.

Decided you are ready to accept your circumstances and start to use your energy to take the next step towards your brighter happier future?

Contact me now to see how I can help you get your shit together – there’s a convenient form just below.