How to Find Yourself More Attractive: Part 2

How to Start Finding Yourself More Attractive: Part 2

If you want to start finding yourself more attractive and you’ve not read part 1 yet then please do – there’s an important exercise at the end of that which can really get you started well on your journey to thinking you’re as fine as you are!

Below are a whole host of different things which will help you find yourself more attractive, I’d advise giving all of them a go.

I’ll talk about my own experience of doing them as well.

Mirror Work

You are probably going to hate this, it’s going to sound cringey and awkward – and that’s because it is but goodness me it is a powerful way of accepting your appearance.

It will take you 5 minutes a day and I implore you to try it for a week.

Quite simply you go up to a mirror close enough that your field of vision is taken up by your whole face, from here you are going to look at every little part of your face.

Every perceived imperfection, every line, every corner, every part.

And, preferably out loud, tell yourself – for example – “I accept the crease on my forehead”, “I accept the lines around my eyes”, “I accept the size of my nose”.

You don’t have to love these things or like them or even want to keep them as they are, you just have to accept that this is what they are right now.

When I did this I liked to systematically go through each different part making sure I didn’t miss anything, telling myself I accepted them.

Finally I would make direct eye contact with myself and say “I accept myself.”

Yes, it’s awkward and cringey at first but you’ll be surprised how enlightening an experience it is.

Stop Using Filters

Social media doesn’t tend to want us to look like what we actually look like, as soon as we go to upload a photo we get offered the chance to change it.

Now some of these filters are designed to improve the photo but let’s be honest the majority are there to make ourselves look better.

Stop using these filters, every time you’re using one you’re hiding what you look like and you are basically telling yourself that how you looked wasn’t fit for human consumption.

Do you really think that is doing much good for how you feel about yourself?

Realise Attractiveness is Subjective

Who do you think is the hottest person on the planet? And who do your friends think is the hottest? Are they exactly the same person?

Do you hear about someone fancying a celebrity and you just think “yuck”.

That’s all because attractiveness is subjective.

So just as you and your friends have different opinions about celebrities, different people will have different opinions about you.

No one single person can be found universally attractive by everyone (although Ryan Reynolds does give it a good shot) and as such it is impossible to please everyone.

But why would you want to? There is only one person who needs to find you attractive and that is yourself.

For me this wasn’t too much of a wake-up call as it was something I felt I had a handle on already but it is always a good thing to remind yourself of.

The Quickest Way to find yourself unattractive

If you’re doing well on your journey and you feel like coming crashing down again the fastest way to do so is to compare yourself to someone else.

I appreciate that this is a completely natural thing to do but if you find yourself leaning into this behaviour stop and ask yourself the question “how is comparing myself ever going to benefit me?”

It’s actually an unwinnable position you’re putting yourself into when you compare yourself to anyone.

You either:

• Find something that is “better” on the other person and feel worse,
  Or
• Don’t find anything “better” and this doesn’t make you feel better.

Another question you can ask yourself in these moments is, “What do I have to gain from doing this?”

Further to all of this, you’re looking at just a photo of them, you have no idea what’s going on in their head, they might think they look awful all the time.

A picture will never give you the full picture.

Journal Your Thoughts about Yourself

Here’s the first writing exercise I’d like you to consider doing.

It’s very simple, you just write down all your thoughts about your appearance in bullet point form.

The good, the bad, the ugly in bullet point form.

No-one else has to see this ever so be completely honest.

If you like something write it down, if you hate something write it down, if you wish something was different write that down.

It’s interesting to actualise our thoughts from our brain on to a piece of paper (or on your phone’s notes section) and see the thought in real life.

Now you can examine those thoughts about yourself and have a think about how truthful they really are, have you written actual truth or subjective truth? Have you exaggerated?

We can challenge and tweak these thoughts about ourselves and make them more positive and more truthful.

Let’s look at some examples to help you understand this a little better.

Example 1: “I am fat”

Well for starters that’s not a very kind thing to say to yourself.

Fat could mean anything as well, it could mean you’re carrying 3-4 extra pounds or 30-40 extra pounds.

Let’s change it from that to be more accurate – if you are carrying a few extra pounds, firstly so what and second rewrite it as “I am carrying a few extra pounds”.

If you are what would be classified as overweight and you don’t like that then rewrite as a statement of intent.

“I am fat” becomes “I would like to lose some weight”

Both can mean the same thing but look how much more positive the latter is.

Example 2: “I am too short/tall”

There are certain things like height, bone structure, eye size etc which essentially are not changeable, they are how you’ve been designed genetically.

There is a certain fallacy in being annoyed about these things because they simply can’t change, so given that they aren’t going to change you’re welcome to stay really annoyed about it or you can accept it.

For example – if you’re a guy below average height and you think that’s the reason you’ve not met someone yet then you’re probably wrong – maybe you don’t even approach someone taller than you that you like and they could be the one.

Projecting “I’m too short for them” into their heads is not healthy for you at all, it is up to the other person to decide whether height is an issue for them.

If you’re a decent human being, you’re compassionate, honest, loyal, funny, confident and good to be around then that is going to massively outweigh anything physical that is set in stone.

And yes, before you argue, I’ve seen girls profiles on dating apps saying “don’t swipe on me if you’re shorter than 6 foot” etc. 

Ask yourself if someone is going to have that as their bar of entry above everything else then are they really someone you’d have any interest in at all.

Example 3: “I have horrible teeth”

With things of this nature firstly ask yourself where you think this thought is going to get you, how is it going to make you feel? Would you tell your best friend the same thing if they had teeth like yours? I guarantee you wouldn’t – why be so unkind to yourself.

“I have horrible teeth” becomes “I don’t like my teeth however I accept them as they are and I am going to make efforts to improve their appearance.”

Going through this thought examination process can be a little emotional, maybe even a little eye-opening but challenging these damaging thoughts about yourself can help you feel more attractive.

Personally it uncovered a few things about my appearance which when I looked at objectively I was actually just talking utter BS to myself.

Realise Attractiveness is Dynamic

How attractive you feel is not a constant, maybe it feels like it if you just feel ugly all the time but it is a dynamic thing which can vary massively.

This is important to realise for two reasons, firstly when you see yourself in the mirror or see a photo of yourself as we said before that IS how you looked at that moment in time but it ISN’T how attractive you are or feel – it’s just you at a moment in time.

Secondly, it can give you hope that when you do feel like a bag of potatoes or whatever that this isn’t how you are going to feel forever, you can change it if you choose to.

Smile!

Goodness me this has been a hard one for me to do personally but believe me smiling improves your life.

Smiling can often feel like the last thing you want to do but walking around with a little smile on your face gives off happiness, it spreads joy around. If you smile at someone there is a high chance they’ll smile back at you. It is honestly such a contagious thing and can almost feel like a superpower.

Smiling, quite simply, makes you more attractive, more approachable, and happier too – carrying this feeling around with you will make you feel more attractive.

Unbeknownst to me I developed a reputation among acquaintances for never smiling and when this filtered through to me it honestly made me feel pretty awful.

I didn’t want to come across as someone grumpy, overly serious or just unhappy so I asked myself why I didn’t smile more. I didn’t really have an answer, a couple of physical hang ups maybe but ultimately I had no excuse not to do it so this, even now, is something that I continue to work on.

It might feel uncomfortable at first but the more you do it the more natural and easy it will become.

This draws part 2 of the series to a close; if you haven’t already then do make sure you read part 1, stay tuned for part 3 which is due out in one week.

To find out as soon as part 3 is available you can sign up to my mailing list by entering your name and email address below alternatively follow me on Instagram or Facebook.