“It’s all in your head” – why it’s time to let that be an inspiration, not an insult

“It’s all in your head”.

If you’ve suffered from any mental issue at all, particularly one where that causes physical symptoms such as in IBS and Anxiety then you’ve heard this before.

Whether it’s from an unsympathetic partner, a friend who’s trying to help or someone who just doesn’t get it, it never feels great to hear.

But today I’m going to explain why hearing this, no matter how it is said, should serve as an inspiration about improving your issue.

Allow me to explain…

If it’s not “all in your head”, then where is it?

Let’s get strictly factual to start with and look at things directly and honestly, if you’re struggling with a mental health issue then when someone says “it’s all in your head” they’re actually correct.

This doesn’t make it ok to say, it doesn’t make it helpful to say but it is a factual thing to say.

Just as much use as if your leg was hanging on by a thread and someone was to come up and say “there’s something wrong with your leg.”

“Oh really, my leg is hanging off? I had NO idea, thank you SO SO much, do you think I should try and walk it off!?”

I’d hazard a guess that the people who come out and say this sort of thing have never had an issue with their mental health before. They don’t know or understand what it is like to feel like you’re feeling or anything close to it. 

Maybe that’s because they’ve had an easy life, maybe they’ve been taught incredible coping mechanisms or maybe they’re just an idiot. You can’t know.

And to be honest you don’t need to know, you don’t actually have to pay attention or give any weight to what they say or their opinion at all.

However, you can’t escape the actual truth that they are correct, your issue isn’t in your knee, lungs, little finger or nose – it IS all in your head.

Choosing how to take information in

If you’ve read my blog or listened to my podcast about control then you’ll have a fair idea what’s coming up now.

In life we only ever control our thoughts and our actions, nothing more, nothing less.

And as such that means that we can’t control what is said to us or how it is said to us.

Regardless of whether someone is annoyed at the fact your anxiety has made you cancel something and they’re screaming “it’s all in your head” at you or a friend tries to sympathetically remind you that “it’s all in your head”  the words are the same.

You have complete control of how you decide to take that information on board. Initially, of course it’s going to be hard to take that information calmly and constructively if it has been thrown at you in an emotionally charged way. This doesn’t prevent you from doing so after it has been said to you.

No matter how you’ve been told that “it’s all in your head” you can choose to receive that as a reminder that it is in your head and therefore you have control and power over it.

Control your thoughts so you can control how you feel

The absolute truth is that whatever is going on for you is in your head, it isn’t over there, it hasn’t fallen behind the sofa, it’s in your head.

And if you’re going to have a problem having it in your head is probably the best place for it, it means at any given moment we can choose to make the best decisions to improve the issue.

This often starts by getting a handle on what sort of things you are thinking and telling yourself.

This is cognitive behavioural therapy in a nutshell.

For example if you suffer with IBS and you think “I can’t go anywhere without knowing where the toilets are” then your body will respond by feeling all the anxious, gut twisting feelings that you know all too well already.

A better and more helpful thought would be “Wherever I go there will be toilet facilities.”

This would leave you feeling much more calm and reassured.

Alternatively you can simply remind yourself that you are someone who is having a thought. Having any thought doesn’t make it your reality, it means you’ve had a thought.

The reminder that it is all in your head can serve as a reminder than you’re just someone observing thoughts in your head.

Conclusion on being told “it’s all in your head”

It’s a truthful statement no matter how it is said, even if it has been said to cause hurt. 

It can however just be taken as a reminder to you that your issue is one that you have control over and can affect the outcome of. This is a much more powerful way of being than sitting believing that your issue is anywhere else and therefore out of reach and out of your control.

No matter how you choose to take someone’s words, no matter what they are, it is your choice and isn’t it better to choose to take them in a way which lifts you up rather than drag you down.

If you’re finding this notion impossible to believe then I’d love to jump on a free online consultation with you to discuss it further and see if I can offer you any help with your issue in the long term.

Alternatively check out The Anxiety Toolkit – a completely free resource with all of my advice, tips, and strategies to reduce anxiety.

To get free access to The Anxiety Toolkit now simply drop your email address in the box below.