Memento Mori: Finding the Joy in Mortality by Remembering You’re Going to Die

Let’s be clear, you’re going to die one day.

The moment you were born you were given a death sentence.

Right now that shocking thought which, let’s be honest, you already knew will either be terrifying you or inspiring you.

If you’ve found that the stark reminder that you’re going to die one day scary then hopefully this blog will help you take death as a inspiration to live your life in the way you really want to.

In Stoic philosophy there is a well known expression “Memento Mori” – which translates from Latin to mean “Remember you will die”. The Stoics liked to be reminded of their mortality as it forced them to take an honest look at what they were doing and how they were living their life.

Death essentially forced them to live life on the terms that they were genuinely happy with.

Being on your deathbed

I’d like you to imagine for a moment that you are on your deathbed, you know that the grim reaper is waiting to take you so all that is left is for you to think about your life.

As you lay there do you think you wished you spent more time worrying? Were those hours on TikTok really time well spent? Would those small things that angered so much really worth losing your tranquility over? Do you wish you’d had more arguments?

The answer to all of the above is “probably not”.

Looking back at your life from now, what do you wish you’d done more of? Which things have been a waste of time? Which things do you think you’d have been better off letting go of?

The answers that you come up with are a powerful insight into the way in which you could live your life with much more joy.

Here’s the thing though, whilst you might not be on your deathbed at this second, but death can, and does, strike at any moment.

You could be hit by a bus, have a tragic cancer diagnosis, or you could just hit your head and never wake up again.

These ideas might be somewhat grim to think about but they serve as a reminder to live your life with more joy, the path to which has been shown by answering the questions above.

Near death experiences

I have very little doubt that you have heard of stories of people having near death experiences or perhaps, sadly, being given a terminal diagnosis which gives them not long to live.

Both of these occurrences tend to bring about a change in people.

Death slapping them in the face, grabbing them by the throat but then adding a little more sand to their hourglass makes them take stock of what is important to them in life.

This might be devoting their life to a particular cause, working less, being more selfish, spending more time with loved ones, living life more in the present moment or finally going after the goals that they thought they’d never have a chance to achieve.

Does any of that sound bad to you? Does it sound like that is a bad way of living?

The beautiful thing about the idea of death is that it forces you to concentrate on life if you have the correct mindset towards it.

Not the YOLO lifestyle

This mindset isn’t about living the YOLO (You Only Live Once) lifestyle where you party hard, live life as if tomorrow isn’t guaranteed and with a selfless reckless abandon.

Because what happens when tomorrow does come?

You are then faced with the consequences of your actions: hangovers, injuries, regrets, hurting people around, damaging friendships and a general sense that you might have done something wrong.

Is that the way in which you want to live your life?

If you were on your deathbed would you be wishing there had been more of all of that?

I think not.

The length of your life is not guaranteed, each day you get to continue living is, and should be viewed as, a gift.

It is another opportunity to live your life in the way that you want to live it.
The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.”

The idea of death, potentially, being only ever one bad decision away can give us absolute laser focus on what’s important

But death is scary

There are three reasons people are so terrified of death, firstly because of its finality, secondly because of the unknown element of it and finally because they feel sad about the pain and grief that their loved ones experience upon their passing.

Yes, death is final, once you die you’re no longer of this world – this is as much as we can say as fact, after this point it can only be theory.

So we know that we won’t be here as we know it any more and we know that we will in all likelihood be missed and grieved for (more on that in a bit).

However we know that we are going to die and we know that it is going to be final so we can go back to this idea of acceptance.

Is there any point in fighting the idea that we aren’t going to die one day when we know that we are? Once again the finality should be taken as a stark reminder that there is a limited amount of sand in our hourglass and so we should use that time in the best way we can.

But what about the unknown? Well the only way to know what happens when we die is to die which is an idea you’re very likely to be against.

The short answer is that we don’t know what happens and more importantly we can’t know what happens because we’d have to be dead. As such this whole issue of not knowing isn’t a problem for the living version of us, it is a problem for the dead version of us which we will hopefully become as far down the line from our current position as possible.

The final scary part of death is leaving people behind. This one is particularly prevalent if people have children – “how will my children cope without me in their life? They’ve only ever known life with me in it?”

But it isn’t limited to just children, it is friends, it is family, it is even work colleagues.

Your life will have an imprint on everyone you’ve ever met sometimes very little often unforgettable.

You might well imagine that the grief that people will feel about your passing will be overwhelming and that they won’t be able to handle it.

And you’re partly right, it will feel impossibly hard for some as grieving often is but they will endure just as billions of others have endured before them.

But of course you don’t want them to suffer this but if you’ve been a positive influence on their life then the grief is necessary.

“What is grief, if not love persevering?”

Unbelievably this is a quote from Marvel’s Wandavision series on Disney+ and I have to say this it is one of the most poignant quotes on grief I’ve ever heard.

Your loved ones wanting to talk to you, hold you, experience things with you and more and knowing that they never can again is their love for you persevering but you being unable to requite their powerful desires in any way.

The simple way to stop the pain of grieving is to cut yourself off from these people entirely whilst you’re still alive. If they dislike you, if they don’t care for you at all or if they’ve perhaps even forgotten you exist then the grief they feel if and when they find out you’ve died will be that much more stomachable.

The issue here being that instead of your loved ones experiencing pain after your death they experience it in a different way whilst you’re still alive.

So which would you choose for them?

Pain and anger at you shutting them out of their lives whilst you’re alive? Or pain and grief at losing a wonderful person who meant the world to them because you’ve passed?

It’s a question that barely warrants being asked.

Ultimately however this all points back to ensuring that the way in which we act whilst we’re alive is in tune with who we want to be as a person and what impact we want to have on the world and the people whose lives mean so much to us.

Conclusion on Memento Mori

Whether we like it or not we’re going to die, we have a limited time on this planet and it is up to us to decide how we’re going to use this time.

It doesn’t have to take a near death experience to know what is important and right for us; we can simply and gently remind ourselves that death will come for us one day.

So how best to use our time and how best to remind ourselves that it is limited?

I like the idea of just keeping grounded to the idea, not necessarily of death, but of the idea that time is limited. 

You can do this by writing yourself two lists – here’s some examples.

List 1: Because I have limited time on this planet I’m going to do much less of the following:

Scrolling through tiktok

Swiping through Tinder

Worrying about other people’s opinions

Complaining about my life

Judging others

Worrying in general

Spending money on material things

Holding grudges

Etc

List 2: Because I have limited time on this planet I’m going to do much more of the following

Spending time with my loved ones

Appreciating my life

Pursuing my goals

Self-Development

Having more fulfilling life experiences.

Forgiving people

Etc

How do you know what to write? Well that’s simple – pretend you’re on your deathbed and ask yourself what you wish you’d done more of in your life and what you wish you’d done less of.

Let these answers inspire you, let them guide you into the life that you know that you want, let them help you find joy in your mortality.

If you’ve found you want to live your life in a different way but don’t know how to do that why not book in a free exploratory call with me to see if I can help you do just that.